“one thing i dont need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i dont know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt stop nobody using my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry”
“cuz i dont know anymore/ how
to avoid my own face wet wit my tears/ cuz i had convinced
myself colored girls had no right to sorrow/ & i lived
& loved that way & kept sorrow on the curb/ allegedly
for you/ but i know i did it for myself/
i cdnt stand it
i cdnt stand bein sorry & colored at the same time
it’s so redundant in the modern world”
“here is what i have: poems / big thighs/ lil tits/ and so much love”
1. WRIST - The sight of blood unsettled you too much so you burned your skin instead. Remember how you’d lock the door and wait until your parents left? Remember how your entire body shook, a body of a frail little girl, as you torched yourself numb? There’s a reason why your first mistakes never left a mark. Your wrists are made of steel. It’s okay, your hands have learned to stop shaking now.
2. PILLS - The pain ate you up so you ate it back by swallowing pills in the hopes the ground would swallow you whole. Tried to fool yourself into thinking pain killers could kill the pain humming in your brain, clawing off the tissues in your internal organs. They won’t cure you, darling. They won’t cure you. You’re only making it worse.
3. HIS SMELL - An entire year was wasted breaking yourself because he broke you. You are a jigsaw puzzle. You’ve got to destroy yourself first before you can see the big picture, before you realize how beautiful you really are, before you understand who you are and what you can become. Wasn’t it worth it? Wasn’t it worth it, though? I think it was time well-spent.
4. WEED - Getting high is such a high and you’d sworn since you were eight you’d never do drugs, but it’s too late. How many words have you not written because you were too high to hold a pen? How many memories have been forever erased by the fog that suffocates your brain cells? The strobe lights are mesmerizing, but they will not last.
5. CIGARETTES - You’re trying to convince yourself you’re not addicted, but you spit blood every time you wake up, and we all know your lungs are as black and decayed as your soul ought to look like. If it keeps you to breathe, then keep breathing. We all need something to hold onto.
6. WINE - You couldn’t get drunk on the taste of someone’s lips, so you got drunk by yourself instead. An alcoholic writer. What a cliché. There are no poems or beautiful words to be found at the bottom of that empty bottle.”